i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
