The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
