is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
