I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
