there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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