Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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