to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
