I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
