i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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