dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
