Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just invented taco cereal.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
