doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
