Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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