I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
