When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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