It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
