Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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