I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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