She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
