I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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