Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize