this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
