yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
