My first STD was from a foam party
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
