So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
