You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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