the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
