i don't like sucking hair
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
