Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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