or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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