i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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