well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
