There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
