He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
