She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He has the fingertips of a God
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize