i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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