just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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