I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize