I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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