Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
