its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
