Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
