I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it's great music for shaving your balls
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize