saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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