At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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