He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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