Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
