Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you made out with another girl for some wings
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
