Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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