Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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