I'm jealous of your bromance
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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