I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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