AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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