Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
