Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
