i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
