did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
