Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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