I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
