TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
