At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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