Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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