You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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