i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize