I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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