thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
